


Second Chances

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: But it's there, Coma, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, HYDRA are assholes, Innocent state of undressed, Kinda, Memory Loss, Mild Control, Sex, Slow Burn, Torture, Wounds, a few surprises, and lots of floof, hints of surgery, hyperthermia, implied sex, injuries, ish, life on the run, not super explicit, returning memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-03-17 03:30:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18956992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Dr. Y/N Pierce has dedicated her life to helping others, so when her father Alexander offers her a job working for Shield she sees it as the perfect opportunity. What she doesn’t realize is the evil he is hiding from not only the world but his own daughter. As she finds out she turns her back on him and HYDRA, but as the Winter Soldier starts to remember who he once was, he turns to the only person he remembers being kind to him in decades. Can two fugitives help each other find peace with who they are and where they came from?





	1. Soldier

**Washington DC, 2014**

You liked your job even if it was usually pretty quiet. You felt as if you were making a difference which was why you had studied medicine in the first place. You got to help keep the first responders and STRIKE team of Shield healthy which in return kept the world safe.

During your first internship, you had quickly realized what your field was going to be. You loved the quick pace of the ER. You had a steady hand and cool head under pressure which was why you had become a trauma surgeon.

You worked a few years as a Trauma Surgeon for MedStar in Washington DC before going overseas, working all around the world for Doctors without Borders. You loved the job. You were good at it and you were making a difference in people’s lives but after five years you were starting to feel rootless. You needed a place to call home, so when your father Alexander Pierce had offered you a job working for Shield you had taken it.

The two of you hadn’t ever been close even though your mother had died when you were young. He was a hard man to get close too, but when you accepted the job offer a small part of you couldn’t help but hope that was going to change. The rootlessness you felt wasn’t just the need of a home. You needed a family and people to be close too. You had never had that and for years you had told yourself it didn’t matter. You didn’t need people like that as long as you got to help.

When your relationship with your father didn’t change, you started seeing the lie in that. You saw him more regularly but you still felt as if you hardly knew him. Your colleagues were just that. Your work was mostly secret. You worked in a restricted wing where only few had access. You treated not only soldiers, and agents, but also spies. People that nobody knew the faces off and nobody ever could.

Your co-workers weren’t people that you could hang out with when you were off work. You weren’t just a doctor anymore. With your government high-level security pass, you were keeping secrets you yourself didn’t know well nor understand. You just did your job and went back home to your huge empty apartment, reminding yourself of the people that might be alive tomorrow because of the people you had helped today.

The agents, officers, and soldiers you saw stayed with you for a multitude of reasons, but there was one person that remained in your mind above all others. You had tended his wounds a few times only but there was something about him that made you want to know more about him.

He hadn’t given you a name. Not even a rank. Which was highly unusual, but not as much as his prosthetic arm. It was made of metal. It had complete range of motion and it was close to being as sensitive as the rest of his body. You had never seen anything like it and had tried to look the man up after his first visit to your office.

You were more than a little disappointed when you had run into a red angry screen yelling at you, that you didn’t have the officiant clearance to the information you were seeking. When you had brought the man up with your father over dinner he had given you a stern glare, telling you, you shouldn’t even have been treating the soldier and there were some things you were better off not knowing about.

Your father’s reaction hadn’t made you less curious and when you had seen the soldier walk into the medbay a few weeks later, you quickly grabbed his arm guiding you into your office to tend to his wounds.

You tried to talk to him, but he didn’t seem to remember you. He was as quiet as he had been the last time, only answering you when you asked him medical questions, flinching slightly every time you touched him.

Whoever he was, he was in a bad shape. None of his wounds which never seemed too deep or too bad despite the array of scars covering his torso. He had been through hell and back, you knew that without him having to say a word. His body spoke for him.

You felt for him and began treating him every time he appeared in the medbay. Sometimes it was every week and other times you didn’t see him for a few months. He never appeared to remember you, no matter how often you saw him. You weren’t sure if it was an act, or if he was just bad with faces.

There was a kindness and curiosity in his eyes as he studied you cleaning his wounds. Somehow you knew it wasn’t his choice to keep you at arm’s length, so instead of asking him a million questions that only ever made him tenser, you began telling him trivial little things about your life. You told him stories from your old job with Doctors without Borders, little incidences at the grocery store or blabbering on about what you wanted for dinner.

He rarely responded to you, but he seemed to relax as you talked, which made the stream of words worth it to you. He even started thanking you before leaving your office, making you feel as if you had accomplished something.

These little encounters carried on for a little over a year, until one day you saw him being rushed across the medbay into a restricted part of the building accompanied by five or six STRIKE agents.

You knew you shouldn’t try to follow them. Your clearance didn’t allow you into that part of the building, but there had been a pain in the soldier’s eyes you hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t physical. It was confusion, anger, despair… you weren’t sure if you should follow, but you wanted to help him.

You hurried across the room, managing to slip in through the closing door as one of the senior doctors on staff rushed through. You hid as well as you could, slowly moving through the unfamiliar hallway towards the commotion.

The halls and rooms were strange with bars sectioning everything off. It seemed more as if you had walked straight into a prison than a wing of a hospital and you couldn’t help but wonder what the hell this place was and why Shield was hiding it in plain sight of their medical facilities.

You frowned. It sounded as if a fight was going down. As tense and quiet as the soldier had been in your office, he had never put up a fight. He had never seemed as if he posed a threat to you or any of the staff. You weren’t sure what could have changed that but something had, as medical staff rushed from the room fleeing to safety as the STRIKE team outside the door drew their weapons.

You stayed in hiding, wondering what your next play should be. You weren’t allowed back here but you wanted to help. You should help. You had been able to calm the soldier in the past even if he hadn’t been aggressive; your voice had seemed to have a calming effect on him. Maybe you could help him through his PTSD episode or whatever was going on inside the room you couldn’t quite see from your hideout.  

Just as you were about to get up from your hideout and offer your assistance, you heard the doors behind you open and close again. You turned your head, seeing your father walk down the hall closely followed by a few more STRIKE agents. You couldn’t remember ever seeing him in the medical wing. If he was here, something important was going down. He was the director of Shield after all and didn’t make house calls just because a random soldier was acting up.

You swallowed harshly and ducked down further behind the cans in the hall you had been hiding behind to make sure he didn’t see you. You knew your father well enough to know that he wouldn’t ever let you help with this. He hadn’t even wanted you tending to the soldier, to begin with. You weren’t about to confess to disobeying a direct order.

You peaked up to see all the doctors and agents disappearing into the backroom along with your father and the bars being closed behind them. You were now alone in the hallway and dared to raise your head up a little further.

You were too far back. You could hear voices but now what they were saying. You knew you should get out of here and pretend none of this had ever happened but you couldn’t. The haunted look the soldier had worn as he had been guided through the already restricted medical wing into the super secret layer you were now hiding it wouldn’t leave your mind. You wanted to help him or, at the very least, make sure he was going to be alright. So you got up, sneaking slowly closer to the bars of the back room rather than making your escape.

“If you don’t do your part I can’t do mine. And HYDRA can’t give the world the freedom it deserves,” your father’s voice sounded muffled as you started getting closer. You sucked in a breath, frowning harshly.

HYDRA. You had to have heard that wrong. Your father wasn’t working for HYDRA. They were history. A World War II tale of victory and how Captain America had saved the world giving his own life. Your father worked with the newly returned Steve Rogers. He was his boss. Not a HYDRA agent. You shook your head, sure your ears were playing tricks on you, sneaking closer to hear the soldier’s low voice coming from the bared room.

“But I knew him.”

The pain in his voice broke your heart. He sounded calm and collected but in so much pain. You wanted to take him far away from here, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t do anything but hide and listen.

“Prep him,” your father’s voice sounded.

“He has been out of CRYO freeze for too long,” another man answered and your eyes widened. CRYO freeze. Super serum. You had read studies regarding Steve Rogers and his metabolism. The only way someone could survive CRYO freeze is if they had been enhanced. That explained the shallow wounds and deep scars. The scars however also told a story of immense pain if they hadn’t healed over in the year you had known the man.

“Then wipe him and start over” your father’s voice sounded, pulling you out of your thoughts. What the hell did that mean? You moved closer to the doors, and now you were able to see inside. Right past where your father and the agents to the soldier and the machine he was being strapped into.

You now stood in front of the doors in plain sight of anyone that might turn around. You didn’t care. All you saw was the rims and metal move closer and closer to the soldier as his chest heaved in fear and anticipation of the pain. As his screams filled the room, so did yours.

“Stop! Stop that! What the hell are you doing?! You’re hurting him!” you screamed, grabbing a hold of the bars, shaking them as if they would give under the force. Of course, they didn’t. All you succeeded in doing was calling your father’s and agents’ attention. You didn’t see the weapons momentarily pointing at you. You also didn’t see your father raising his hand, silently making them lower them. You didn’t see the blind rage on his face.  

You only saw the soldier, strapped down, screaming out his pain as your vision blurred from tears. Your father was doing this. The agency you were working for was doing this. Torture.

“Y/N. You are not supposed to be in here,” your father grabbed your arm hard enough to leave a bruise as he dragged you down the hallway. Somehow you managed to shake loose. Your pain and shock morphing into anger.

“I don’t care. You’re torturing that man!” you hissed at him, looking up into his face with your head held high. Your father was a scary man when he wanted to be. There had been plenty of times where you had felt that yourself, but not now. You weren’t going to let him bully you into submission. You had come too far and this was different.

“We’re prepping him. You wouldn’t understand even if I tried to…” he began, but you cut him off, growing angrier by the second.

“I’m not a child anymore. Don’t speak to me as if I am,” you hissed. “I won’t be a part of this. I quit!” You threw your badge on the ground before his feet, rushing through the door and out of the building. You needed air. You needed to get away from the screams of the man you so desperately wanted to help but couldn’t. You ran so fast with the soldier’s screams ringing inside your head that you didn’t hear Agent Rumlow ask your father if he wanted him to bring you back. You didn’t hear his answer either.

“No. No need. She’ll be back. I’m all she has.”

If you had heard him, you would have told him it wasn’t true. You didn’t have anyone anymore. Your father had died in your eyes the moment you had witnessed him order the torture of a man without hesitation or remorse. You were all alone in the world now.   


	2. Where to Go From Here

**Somewhere over Russia, 2016**

Bucky closed his eyes. The pain was intense and strangely familiar. Pain shot from his left shoulder right down to his fingers that were no longer there. He knew he had some internal bleeding from the fight and he was struggling to keep stay conscious. The bleeding would heal. He knew that the worst part was the arm, or what was left of it.

“Are you with me Sergeant Barnes?” T’Challa’s voice sounded from next to him and Bucky forced his eyes open along with giving a nod.

“For now.”

T’Challa frowned, checking the vitals on the machine he had Bucky hooked up to before facing Bucky again with a serious look on his face.

“I know,” Bucky decided to spare him. His wounds weren’t healing as fast as he was bleeding. He needed medical attention soon or he was going to die.

“Captain Rogers. Do you have any favors you can call in before we reach Wakanda?” T’Challa called out and Steve poked his head out, looking back at them from the cockpit.

“None that haven’t been dead for about 20 years,” Steve’s concerns eyes flickered between Bucky and T’Challa before returning his attention to the skies.

“I’m picking up speed,” Steve decided as he pushed the thrusters to their limits. T’Challa and Bucky’s eyes met. It was hard to believe the guy that had been trying to scratch out Bucky’s eyes not 24 hours ago was now fighting to save his life. Had everything not hurt just to breathe, Bucky might have laughed at that.

“I don’t think that will do it, Captain,” T’Challa warned and Bucky could practically hear the stubborn expression on Steve’s face when he answered the king.

“It has to be.”

Bucky took a deep breath. You were safe. He didn’t want to pull you back into this, but he had made you a promise. He didn’t want to die without seeing you again either and if by some chance he was to survive and you learned about this, you were sure as hell going to kill him yourself. You could help.

“I know someone,” Bucky’s voice was low but loud enough for the other two enhanced to hear.

“Who?” Steve’s voice sounded from the cockpit but Bucky didn’t answer him. Instead, he told Steve the coordinates where he knew you would be waiting.

“France,” Steve mumbled, clearly annoyed Bucky hadn’t given him a straight answer but still corrected his flight. “Guess we are going to France.”

***

You were in the kitchen setting aside groceries when you heard the sound of the quinjet. You quickly moved into the hallway, pulling out the gun you had taped to the underside of the table just like Bucky had taught you.

You kept it at your side as you opened the door and slowly headed towards the field. You could practically hear Bucky yelling at you for this move, but you couldn’t wait. It had to be him. If it wasn’t… well, you’d be screwed but you were still gonna put up a fight.

The door to the quinjet opened as you were a few feet away only to reveal Captain America looking out at you in all his star-spangled glory. Fuck. You didn’t want to hurt him even if you could which was more than unlikely. You still reacted on instinct, hoping that raising the gun would give you a chance to talk to him from a distance.

It didn’t. Before you could even comprehend what was happening, the gun was flying through the air and, even if you by some miracle managed to block his arm from hitting you in the face once, it wasn’t more than a few seconds before he had you in a headlock from behind. You stomped his foot as hard as you could, making him groan and release you. You dove for the gun but before you could get far, Steve grabbed a hold of your arm locking it behind your back, keeping his feet well away from yours this time.

“Where are they?” Steve asked, causing you to frown and shake your head.

“Where’s who?” you answered, screaming in pain when Steve pulled your arm further back.

“Steve!” Bucky’s voice sounded and you looked up, ignoring the pain from the arm still pinned behind your back. You gasped when you saw him. His face was bloody and his left arm was mostly missing. Bucky’s right arm was slung over the shoulder of a man in a black vibranium suit helping him walk off the jet.

“She’s alone. Let her go,” Bucky ordered and you felt the grip loosen a little as Steve hesitated and you instantly kicked his shin to get free. It surprised him enough to do the trick, even if it wasn’t hard enough to do any damage and you sprang free running to Bucky’s side.

You cupped his face in your hands, looking into his eyes and the guy next to him let you. Whoever he was he clearly trusted Bucky’s judgment on you more than Steve did.

“Bucky. What happened to you?” you asked, trying to keep your tears at bay. Now wasn’t the time. Not with Steve glaring holes into your back and Bucky bleeding from several holes in his body.

“Long story. Think you can patch me up Doc?” Bucky smiled at you through his pain, trying to calm down that racing mind of yours. He knew you. You had a big heart. You were scared and shaking. But he also knew how clear and sharp your mind could be even under the worst of pressure. All he had to do was get you to focus on the task at hand. Him.

“Yeah… I… Yes,” you took a deep breath, letting your eyes meet his again. His calm was contagious and you nodded, wrapping your arm around his waist from the left. You were careful to avoid the remaining part of his arm as you rested your free hand against his chest, helping the man at Bucky’s right hold him up.

“Let’s get him inside,” you ordered, taking a few steps before you realized Steve was still in your way, eyeing you suspiciously.

“It’s okay Steve. She’s okay,” Bucky assured him, before sending his friend a tired yet cheeky smile, “Are you going to let her help me or am I gonna have to bleed to death standing up?”

Steve grumbled something you didn’t hear but moved aside letting you help Bucky into the house. When you reached the living room you let go, leaving Bucky’s free side to Steve as you quickly cleared the table and started pulling all sorts of medical supplies from the cabinets. You had been prepared for this. You weren’t stupid. You had seen the number of cops that had come for Bucky in Romania. You knew there was a strong likelihood he would be in less than one piece when he showed up here. Which you had also never doubted that he would.

“Get him on the table,” you ordered waving your hand towards the dining table in the middle of the room as you ran into the hallway to retrieve a coat hanger. You placed it next to the table hanging the IV from it before pulling up Bucky’s right sleeve. You let the needle hover over his skin, as your eyes met his.

“I’m sorry. I have to knock you out. The metal is keeping the wound open I need to remove it and if there are other inner bleedings…” your words trailed out as Bucky raised his hand and placing it over yours.

“I trust you Doc,” he smiled and you gave him a nod which he returned before looking over at Steve. He didn’t look happy at all about this situation but he still gave Bucky a small nod. A part of Bucky wished there had been time to explain, but there wasn’t.

“You ready Bucky?” you asked quietly and Bucky rested his head back on the table.

“I’m ready,” he agreed and you pushed the needle into his arm. It didn’t last more than a few seconds before Bucky’s eyelids got heavy and the world around him disappeared.

**Washington, Mid 2014**

Tears streamed down your face as you rushed around your room, grabbing clothes off the hangers and stuffing them into your suitcase. The sky had only just stopped raining helicarriers and helicopters were now in the air searching for Captain Rogers.

You had spent about an hour reading leaked HYDRA and Shield documents, slowly learning what you had been a part of, as well as understanding you were now considered a terrorist. You had no choice but to run.

A rush of air through the room made you stop your task. You stood up straight, closing your eyes. You weren’t alone in the room. You weren’t a soldier but you had spent enough time in warzones to know what it felt like being watched. You took a deep breath before turning around slowly. Whoever it was, you didn’t wanna startle them and accidentally end up shot.

You sucked in a breath when you saw him. The soldier. He looked ominous standing in the shadows of your apartment in full combat gear. How did he know where you lived? You had managed to figure out who he had been after rushing from the medbay that day, but was it still who he was? What had they done to him? A million questions raced through your mind before you finally picked one.

“Are you here to kill me?” you asked, your voice sounded a lot more meek than you had expected and you internally cursed yourself for it.

“I remember you. You worked for them,” he took a step towards you, without answering your questions and for the first time ever you grew afraid of him.

“I didn’t know. Not until today,” you tried to explain but you knew how ridiculous it sounded. “I didn’t know what they were doing to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”

“What’s your name?” he asked, without reacting to your stream of words. His expression was hard and you weren’t sure if anything you said would have an impact on him at all.

“Dr. Y/N Pierce,” you answered, cringing when he took a step forward, and his eyes started scanning the room only to land on a picture of you and your father. He crossed the room, grabbed it and stared at it.

“Who is he?” the soldier turned the picture showing it to you as he took a step forward.

“Alexander Pierce. He was my father. He was one of the people that held you,” you answered truthfully. He had been through enough. If you were going to get out of here it was by speaking the truth. He deserved as much.

“But you didn’t know?” he asked again and you shook your head.

“I left when I found out. I wanted to stop them, but… I’m a doctor. I’m not a soldier or an agent. I didn’t know what to do,” you answered, looking down at your feet. You were ashamed. You had run out of there, leaving him in pain. If he wanted to hurt you, you’d understand. You deserved it.

“You’re running away,” the soldier threw the frame onto your bed and lifted your backpack eyeing it for a moment before letting it go to face you again.

“My father was the head of HYDRA, working from inside of Shield. I doubt anyone is going to believe me when I say I had no idea who I was really working for. Once they find Captain America they are coming for all of us,” you explained, leaning in to grab the bag when you noticed his right arm. It was hanging from a weird angle.

“Your shoulder is dislocated,” you reached out to him and the soldier instantly took a step back. You raised your hands to show him you meant no harm, taking a step forward. “Let me help you? I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

“You used to help me,” the soldier seemed to relax a little. “I remember your office. You never tied me down.”

“Why would I…” you started before stopping. A wave of hatred came over you. Your father had always been a cold man, you had never known he had been cruel too until today.

“No. No, I didn’t,” you changed your approach. “I’m not going too either.” You stepped closer and this time he didn’t move. You slowly pulled out a chair between you and motioned for him to sit down.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked without moving and you swallowed harshly.

“I think so. I… I didn’t have much time to find out anything,” you answered him and he nodded before moving to sit down.

He looked up at you ask you approached him. The pain and despair in his eyes were back. It was the same pain from when the STRIKE team had lead him past your office.

“Who am I?” he asked you and a piece of your heart broke in the process. That had been what wipe him had meant. They had found a way to steal his memories from him and turn him into a mindless weapon. He was breaking free of that but it had to be painful.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. You were with the 107th and the Howling Commandos during World War II before you were presumably killed in the line of duty,” you repeated, what you had read from the articles with his face on them. You had found other things in the past hour, things that fit what you had seen. Articles calling him something else. Something dehumanizing. The Winter Soldier wasn’t who he was. It was who they had made him.

“He called me that,” Sergeant Barnes mumbled, letting you put your hand on his shoulder and start to examine the dislocation.

“What else do you know?” he asked you, looking up at you again and you shook your head slightly.

“Not much. But I can help you find out if you promise to help me get out of town?” you offered and Sergeant Barnes seemed to maul it over before giving you a short nod, making you smile.

“I’m gonna reset your shoulder okay? It’s gonna hurt like hell,” you told him truthfully and he just nodded. You decided a little distraction couldn’t hurt so you kept talking as you moved your hands up and down his arm, trying to get the right hold to get it back in its socket in one pull.

“How did you know where I lived?” you asked, and Sergeant Barnes looked up at you.

“You told me,” he answered shortly and you stopped your task to look down at him in confusion.

“I did what?” you frowned and for the first time you saw his lips tuck upwards a little. Not really in a smile but it still warmed your heart.

“You told me about your apartment, where you go for runs, you told me of the friendly lady at the small grocery store you go too and complained about traffic,” he shrugged, “which put you here.”

“You figured out where I live from me complaining about traffic while I sterilized your bullet wounds?” you blinked, and his lip tugged upwards a little again.

“And the other things,” he answered before looking straight ahead. “You should do this. We need to leave soon.”

“Now I almost don’t feel bad about this,” you grumbled, before giving Sergeant Barnes’ arm a pull while pushing back against his shoulder. A loud pop sounded and Barnes groaned in pain as his shoulder slide back into place. You quickly squatted down, looking up into his face to make sure he was still awake and his eyes meet yours.

“Yes you do,” his lips tugged a little again before getting up and throwing your bag at you and you rolled your eyes in frustration as you followed him out the door, thinking to yourself you might have preferred it when he didn’t talk to you.


	3. Leave or Stay

**Antibes, 2016**

It had been a long four hours. You had been playing a guessing game when it came to the tech that was attached to the nerves of his left arm. The man, you had learned was called T’Challa, seemed to know a little about it so in a joint effort you had managed to stop the bleeding, hopefully without destroying any motor control that he needed if he was to use a prosthetic the same way again.

Using an old ultrasound scanner, you had found a bleeding in his abdomen that didn’t seem to be closing itself as fast as it needed, so you had opened him up much to Steve’s objections but you hadn’t let him get a say. He was Bucky’s best friend but this was your specialty. It needed to be done no matter how much you both hated it. Steve had helped you when you needed him though, just the same as T’Challa and now four hours later, Bucky laid on the table with a drip in his arm and all sutured up as you washed your hand in the kitchen sink.

Your back was turned to the men in the living room as you allowed yourself a moment to breathe. You allowed yourself to feel everything you hadn’t the past four hours. While operating, Bucky had just been another patient. You needed your focus to make sure you did your best work. Now that there was nothing more to do than watch over him and check his vitals as well as provide him with plenty of fluids, he wasn’t just a patient anymore. He was Bucky Barnes. The man you had first seen three years ago while you still believed you were working for the good guys. He was the man you had been on the run with for the past two years. Your only friend and family. He was all you had left in this world and he was lying on a dining room table in the middle of nowhere, because he trusted you, fighting for his life.

You took a deep breath clenching the edges of the sink. Bucky was going to pull through. He was a super soldier. But it was more than that. He was strong and he wanted to live. He wanted to live a life that was his own. He deserved it too. This wasn’t the end for him. You were going to make sure of that.

You took a deep breath, drying your hands before heading back into the living room to check his vitals. On your way you passed T’Challa, he gave you a short nod, telling you he was going to go check on the jet.

You also passed Steve on your way to check on Bucky. His gaze followed you and you tried to hold your head high as you went to Bucky’s side. Being silently judged by Captain America was slightly terrifying but you pushed that thought aside as you started tending to Bucky.

His pulse was weak but it was to be expected after the ordeal you had just put him through. The wound in his abdomen hadn’t started healing yet, but as you used the scanner there also wasn’t any signs of new bleeding.

All the while you worked, you felt Steve Rogers watching over you like a hawk. He was every bit as intimidating as Bucky had told you he could be. Not just because of his size either, he hadn’t always had that. No, it was the gaze. He was sizing you up and trying to get a read on you. You were scared to move one hand wrong and lose his trust for good. You knew that Steve Rogers had once been in the same position you were in now. Bucky had once been all he had too and there wasn’t anything Steve wouldn’t do for the man lying in front of you. You knew that, but you also knew Steve Rogers didn’t trust you as far as you could throw him. You needed to earn that first, the only problem was you didn’t have time to earn that trust.

“When is he going to wake up?” Steve circled the table like an eagle zoning in on its prey.

“I don’t know. When he is ready,” you answered Steve truthfully. You had never sugarcoated anything for Bucky and you assumed Steve would appreciate you were straight with him as much as Bucky always had.

“I’m not keeping him under,” you glared at Steve when you saw him eyeing the drip on the coathanger next to the table. “It’s only saline now. He needs fluids. He lost a lot of blood.”

Steve gave you a nod. “Either way we should get going. Thank you for helping him.”

Your eyes widened at Steve’s words. He couldn’t be serious. Bucky had just undergone surgery lying on a dining table in a French farmhouse. Super soldier or not, there was no way in hell you were letting him be moved for the foreseeable future.

“He’s not going anywhere,” you spoke before thinking and Steve’s eyebrows raised as he stared you down.

“Excuse me?”

You could tell by his stance that he was vigilant. He didn’t fear you, but he seemed to be halfway expecting an army to bust through the door any moment by the looks of it.

“You can’t move him, Captain,” you answered, trying to sound as respectful as possible. The truth was you did respect him. You liked Steve and trusted him even if he didn’t return the sentiment, but you couldn’t let him move Bucky like this. Even with the best intentions, Steve could end up killing him.

“He just had surgery. I need to keep an eye on his healing. If you move him, his sutures could break and his pulse is still weak. You can’t drag him on board a jet like this,” you tried to reason with the man in front of you.

“There are people looking for him. People that want to kill him. I need to get him somewhere safe,” Steve stepped towards Bucky and the dining table, but you moved faster taking him completely by surprise as you pulled out another handgun you had tapped under that table.

“Dr. Pierce what are you doing?” he asked, for the first time revealing to you he knew exactly who you were. You didn’t care. You already sensed he didn’t trust you and you knew that had probably been why.

“I’m not letting you move him, Captain Rogers,” you aimed the gun at his chest.

“And why is that? Who is coming here?” Steve asked without blinking and you felt the anger start building in your chest. You weren’t the enemy, why couldn’t he see that?

“No one. I am alone. I am not waiting for anyone. There isn’t anyone,” you hissed. “If you move him, you’ll kill him.”

“He’s strong,” Steve assured you, taking a step forward and you released the safety on the gun. Steve stopped, staring at you. You could see the anger and worry in his eyes but you didn’t move. You couldn’t. If he wanted to get to Bucky he had to go through you first.

“I don’t want to hurt you Captain, but I’m not moving,” the strength and stubbornness in your voice almost surprised yourself, but you held your grounds, staring down Captain America with a gun pointed to his chest. Even knowing you weren’t a match for him you still had to try.

**Ohio, Mid 2014**

After raiding your apartment for anything edible, Barnes had led you to a most likely stolen jeep, but you hadn’t cared. You just wanted to to get out of town. Before making a run for it, however, you had guided Barnes to the Smithsonian and by some stroke of luck, you had managed to get both in and out completely undetected.

Barnes hadn’t done a lot of talking before the museum, but after you had tugged him out of there, he had practically been a zombie. You had decided it was time to get the hell out of Dodge before someone recognized him from the giant pictures on the wall, a cap only did so much after all.

You had jumped into the driver’s seat, starting to head out of town with no sense of direction as you nervously looked over at him once in a while. You had no idea where you were heading and Sergeant Barnes didn’t answer you. You just sat there staring out the window as his eyes flicked like crazy. A few times you worried he was having a seizure but his demeanor was calm and his motor control didn’t seem off. So you just drove, hoping he would pull out of it sooner rather than later.

You kept your feet on the gas, talking you both as fast and far away from DC as possible before you felt your eyes starting to get heavy. You needed food and somewhere to rest for the night. Bucky had withdrawn as much from your bank account that four different ATMs would allow before you went to the museum, which meant you had enough money to last for a few weeks. Given you chose cheap motels along the way.

You pulled off the main road going through a drive through, picking an array of greasy foods for the two of you. You figured even if Barnes didn’t talk he had got to get hungry at some point. It took you about fifteen minutes after that to find a motel and book the two of you a room with two queens. It was cheaper that way and besides, you didn’t like leaving Barnes out of sight as long as he was acting like this.

He walked into the motel on his own and ate the food you put in front of him. He didn’t answer any of your questions so instead, you started talking. You told him about the kids that had followed you around when you had worked in Africa for Doctors without Borders, and how you had punched some pharmaceutical guy in the nose when he had tried overcharging you for medication.

The last story had earned you a tug of his lips and he finally looked at you. His blue eyes weren’t flicking all over the place anymore. They rested on you for a bit before he spoke for the first time in hours.

“Thank you.”

“I’m not sure for what, but you’re welcome,” you sent him a small smirk and Barnes lowered his eyes for a few seconds before looking back up at you.

“Driving. The food. Talking,” he answered.

You shrugged. It was nothing. You hadn’t been able to help him back when he had needed you too, so this was the least you could do.

“How are you feeling?” you asked tentatively.

“I’m remembering. Bits and pieces. Things I’m not sure I wanna remember, but also other things…” Barnes words trailed out. You didn’t say anything. You just let him think as you ate, watching him carefully until his eyes met yours again.  

“I want to remember everything. I wanna know what I did,” he said, the pain evident in his voice and eyes.

“What they made you do,” you corrected, before nodding. “If you don’t mind company… I worked for them. My… Alexander. He ran it. I need to know everything I can.”

Barnes looked surprised by your words and for a second you thought he was going to argue with you but then he nodded. You both had your reasons, but you understood each other nonetheless.

Barnes’ past was a mystery to him and yours had been a lie. You both needed knowledge in order to heal and move on, if you were ever going to get there. You knew the path might be dangerous and a part of you knew you could never go back home. As you sat in the middle of a hotel room in Ohio with a man that was practically a stranger to you, you weren’t even sure you wanted too. This was the most at home you had felt in years and the thought of losing that was scary to you.  


	4. Saviors

**Antibes, 2016**

“Doctor. Captain.” T’Challa’s voice sounded through the room and you both instantly seemed to ease up slightly. His presence was commanding as he looked between the two of you.

“What’s going on?” he asked, taking his eyes off Steve to look at you and you couldn’t seem to hold back your words, almost like a toddler tattling on her sibling to their parent.

“Captain Rogers wants to move Bucky. I don’t know where you’re going but even moving him could be dangerous and the flight is going to kill him,” you spoke quickly, before chancing a glance at Steve who seemed to be softening a little.

“Maybe staying for a while isn’t a bad idea Captain?” T’Challa also turned his attention to Steve, letting you know it was ultimately his choice what they were going to do. Bucky was Steve’s friend and T’Challa was going to follow his lead.

“How long?” Steve’s eyes met yours and you lowered the gun completely. You looked back at Bucky for a brief moment. The truth was you couldn’t be sure. Had he been a normal person you wouldn’t dare move him for several days, but Bucky wasn’t normal.  

You took a deep breath before looking back at Steve, “48 hours. Maybe 24. It depends on him really and how fast he heals.”

“We’ll stay 24,” Steve agreed and T’Challa seemed to relax before giving Steve a nod.

“I’ll take the first shift,” T’Challa said before disappearing back out the door, leaving you to instantly miss him. His presence seemed to work as a buffer between you and Steve, who was once again back to watching your every move as you began changing Bucky’s bandages.

You worked in silence trying to keep your focus on Bucky and ignore the Steve staring at you. It didn’t anger you. You knew that he worried and he had no reason to trust you. You knew what your last name associated you with and Steve didn’t know you so there was no reason for him to think any different.

It was getting late so after you had finished up on Bucky, you headed into the kitchen fixing up a few sandwiches. You left one in the fridge with a note for T’Challa before grabbing the two others, along with a couple of beers, then headed back into the living room. You stopped in the doorway when you saw Steve standing at Bucky’s side, with his back turned to you. His hand was resting on the unconscious man’s shoulder as he spoke softly to him, telling him to hang in there.

You cleared your throat awkwardly, not wanting to disturb but also not wanting Steve to think you were spying on him. He turned around slowly and completely unsurprised, causing you to scold yourself. After spending two years with Bucky, you should be used to super soldier hearing by now. Of course, Steve had already known you had been standing there.

You awkwardly held out the sandwiches and beer for both of you showing them to him, “Peace offering?”

Steve suspiciously eyed food before looking back at you, “How do I know you didn’t poison them?”

Your eyes widened and you felt the anger bubble in your chest. You understood him not completely trusting you but this was getting ridiculous.

“Really? If that’s how it’s gonna be, you can starve,” you grumbled before pulling up a chair to sit down next to Bucky’s head. Your head jerked up as Steve chuckled and pulled up a chair to sit across from you.

“It was a joke Doctor,” he smiled at you for the first time and you blinked a few times to make sure you weren’t seeing things.

“Well you are very not funny then Captain,” you pulled a face at him, but offered a small smile anyway as you pushed the sandwich and beer towards him. At least this was progress, even if you didn’t expect it to last. You had heard plenty stories of the stubbornness Steve Rogers possessed. Bucky damn well better hurry up and wake up because you weren’t sure how much longer your patience would prevent you from strangling his best friend.

You ate in silence only interrupted by a slight movement of Bucky’s hand and you instantly sprung to your feet, checking his vitals and shining a light into his eyes. You sat back down with a sigh, telling Steve slight movements were normal neural responses and didn’t mean anything.

Steve nodded and relaxed back into his chair, taking another sip of his beer as you continued watching Bucky for a while. You felt Steve’s eyes on you again but this time it didn’t bother you as much since his look was more curious this time than judgemental.

“He guided you here,” you said quietly without taking your eyes off Bucky. You felt Steve sit up a little straighter so you continued before he could put his guards up again. “Bucky is the only person in the world that would know to find me here. You’re here because he needed my help. Because this is where he wants to be. He trusts me. Do you trust him?”

You turned your eyes away from Bucky to look at Steve, who took a deep breath before he nodded.

“I do.”

“Then you can trust me too,” you promised him. “I won’t hurt him. He’s the last person in the world I would want to hurt and he loves you so you’re safe as well.” The last part you said a little more jokingly but Steve’s face didn’t shift from the serious folds he had put on.

“Why are you trying to help him?” Steve asked, studying you carefully.

“He helped me,” you paused before taking a deep breath. “And he saved my life once. It’s time I repay the favor.”

**Siberia, Early 2015**

The cold was like a thousand knives against your skin. You had traveled all over the world but you tended to prefer the warmer climates. It didn’t help Barnes got even more sullen than usual in the cold.

It had been six months now. Six months since Barnes showed up in your apartment. Six months since you had convinced him to take you with him in his search for answers. In a lot of ways, Barnes seemed to be doing better. His memories were slowly returning and he scribbled them all down in little notebooks to make heads and tales of them. You never asked to read them and Barnes never offered.

Just like you pretended you didn’t hear him tossing and turning in the bed across the room in a new room every night. Dirty American motel rooms had been traded for dirty Russian motels. Life on the road was rough but you were used to it. It wasn’t a big deal and you didn’t mind doing odd jobs along the way to earn some money for food and a bed. You even did a few consultations here and there, earning some food or whatever the occasional villager had to spare.

Barnes always stayed back. Maybe it was to keep watch or maybe he was sure he’d scare your patients off. He still didn’t talk much but he treated you with kindness even on his bad and more sullen days. He didn’t take his moodiness out on you but rather his surrounding. He wasn’t a bad travel companion and to be honest you admired the man.

After all, he had been through he was still incredibly kind to people, not just you but random strangers on your way. He was alert and vigilant which was to be expected and you were sure his skills had kept you out of trouble until now.

You were in Siberia. Back where it all started for Barnes and even for HYDRA there was history here. There were still smaller cells around the world trying to regain some of their lost power. It just so happened you and Barnes had managed to walk straight into one of those.

Barnes had quickly shoved you under a table to hide as he took out five agents on his own. Your jaw dropped to the floor as you watched him. You had tended to his wounds in the past. You knew the man had an impressive physique but seeing him in action like this was something else entirely.

Not until all five agents laid dead on the ground did Barnes turn to face you. He squatted down in front of the table, reaching out his hand to you.

“Are you okay?”

You nodded and was just about to take his hand when you spotted movement from the floor above you.

“Look out!” you yelled as a grenade was fired from above you. Barnes moved fast, blocking it with his metal arm but the blast was enough to send him flying through a wall and a few feet to the floor below.

“James!” you called after him, panic and fear evident in your voice. Stupidly your fear wasn’t for your own life, that was at risk from the HYDRA agent most likely fast approaching you, but for the man that laid a floor beneath you groaning as he began moving. You breathed a sigh of relief as you watched Barnes get back on his feet.

He looked up at you and waved his arm to signal you to move on. “Get out of there Doc. Now!”

That was the moment the fear for your own life took over. You sprung to your feet to see an agent fast approaching from the hall. You twirled around, sprinting down the opposite way you and Barnes had come. You had thought for nothing but to get away from the man behind you. You ran. Through halls and corridors. Past holding cells and medical rooms worse looking than the one hidden away behind the DC medbay. You ran and tried to suppress the images of Barnes being held in those. Now wasn’t the time. You needed to get away.

You sped up when you saw the light of day, hearing the man closing in on you from behind. You sprinted from the building, into the open and straight onto the ice. You realized your mistake as soon as you felt it beneath your feet but you had no choice but to continue and hope for the best.

Hope wasn’t enough as it would turn out and you felt the ground give beneath your feet and you fell just as a shot rang through the air, followed by Barnes calling out your name. His voice was the last thing you heard before the cold water swallowed you, pulling you down and making it instantly impossible for you to move. The pain was excruciating as you fought to reach the surface to little avail.

Your conscious was slipping when a metal arm broke the ice, grabbing your jacket and pulling you back onto the ice and into the safety of two strong arms.

“Hey. Hey. Are you with me?” Barnes asked, shaking you and rubbing his hands up and down your arms.

“Cold,” you stuttered and he nodded, looking around. You could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he kept you close, kept rubbing your arms and back trying to get a bit of warmth into you.

“I know sweetheart. I know. We can’t stay here,” he muttered. “I’m going to carry you back to the truck. We’ll find shelter somewhere. You’ll be okay.”

You closed your eyes as he lifted you off the ground and he started to run. Bucky moved fast as if you weighed nothing. He moved so fast the wind made you shiver even worse than before. You were practically blue when you finally reached the truck.

Barnes pulled the door open and lifted you into the front, before running around the car getting into the driver’s seat.

“Y/N. I have to get us out of here,” Barnes tenderly cupped your face. “Are you with me?”

“Ye…yes,” you shivered, trying to focus on the warmth from his hands.

“Good. Good. Doc, I need you to try and get your clothes off for me,” Barnes spoke softly, in great contrast to the way he put the truck into motion. He sped through the snow-covered land, as his eyes flickered back to you occasionally to make sure you were still awake. When you appeared to be struggling a little too much with a zipper or a bottom, Barnes quickly reached out to the side to help you. When you were down to your underwear, he took his eyes of the road long enough to reach into the back for two thick blankets, throwing them over you.

When you had been driving for a while, he started cranking up the heat, his eyes still flickering towards you as he took you fast and far away from the HYDRA base.

“You couldn’t have thought of that earlier?” you glared at his hand resting over the heater as your teeth continued to clatter.

“You’re the doctor. What would happen if I let you heat up too fast?” Barnes looked over at you with a smile. Clearly relieved you were feeling well enough to chastise him.

“Oh shut up. I’m cold. My brain stopped working,” you mumbled, causing Barnes to laugh and reach out to try and rub a bit of warmth into you.

“There’s an abandoned cabin a few clicks east. I noticed it on our way up here. We can stay there for the night,” Barnes promised you and you nodded. You just wanted to get inside, near a fire or possible into a warm bath.  

“I remembered something.” Barnes started talking and you knew he was trying to keep you awake.

“Yeah?” you fought to keep your eyes open looking over at him.

“I remembered falling off a train. Steve tried to catch me. He almost fell too,” Barnes looked over at you, giving you a slight shake when he noticed your eyes closed.

“I’m awake. Captain America is clumsy. Anything else?” you muttered, opening your eyes to see Barnes smiling at you as he pulled up next to an old cabin.

“No. But I realized I am done chasing the bad parts of my past. I want a life, not to stay their prisoner,” Barnes answered you as he lifted you out of the truck, making sure the blankets were securely wrapped around you as a shelter from the cold.

“That’s great James,” you muttered as Barnes lowered you down on the couch after having kicked the door open and shut behind you. He looked over his shoulder as he began lighting the fireplace.

“Don’t call me that,” he said and your eyes instantly opened wide as you realized your mistake. You hadn’t ever called him anything but Barnes or Sergeant Barnes since you realized who he was.

“Sorry. Barnes,” you corrected yourself feeling a bit foolish, but he just smiled at you as the fire caught on.

“Not that either. Bucky. My name is Bucky,” he clarified, making you smile through your shudders.

“Bucky,” you repeated, tasting the word in your mouth. You liked it. It was a strange name but somehow it suited him.

Bucky frowned when he saw you still shaking. The heat from the fire and blanket wasn’t going to be enough. He stood up and started to undress without a word.

Your eyes widened. You had shared a room many times now but he usually had the decency to step into the bathroom before dressing down.

“What… what are you doing?” you asked as his pants hit the floor after his shirt, and he began moving to lay down behind you after having stripped down to his boxers.

“Body heat will warm you up quicker and safer,” Bucky explained, reaching out to gently tug the blanket you were clenching against your body. “Let me in?”

You hesitated for a moment before you let go and let Bucky tug the blankets aside, to crawl in with you. He wrapped his arms around you and you felt the heat radiating from his body start to warm up your freezing limps. You closed your eyes, pressing yourself as close to his chest as possible.

His fingers ran through your hair and he gave you a small squeeze. “You’re gonna be okay Doc. Sleep now.”

You hummed in agreement, as sleep was already overtaking you, but not before you realized something. Even in the middle of nowhere in Siberia, still fighting hyperthermia, you had never in your life felt safer or at home than you did in the arms of Bucky Barnes.


	5. Runaways

**Antibes, 2016**

Steve looked as if he was going to speak but before he could anything him coms came on and he raised his hand to his ear.

“Copy that,” Steve answered who you expected to be T’Challa. “If you need a break come back and I’ll relieve you.” Steve turned to you giving you a small smile, “All is clear. We can stay for a while.”

You breathe a sigh of relief, before getting up to change Bucky’s saline drip. You worked quietly, feeling Steve’s eyes on you the entire time. It didn’t feel as if he was judging your moments. He appeared to trust you around Bucky now but he was still appeared to be trying to get a read on you.

“I did work for Hydra,” you said quietly as you worked, not taking your eyes off Bucky and not daring to look at Steve. “But I didn’t know. I didn’t know who my father really was until around the same time as I suspect you found out as well. If I had…” You stopped talking taking a deep breath before looking over at Steve. “He was my father, but he caused his own death. I don’t blame you or your friends. I became a doctor to save people, not to hurt them. I hate him for putting me in the position he did. I hate him for everything he ever did to Bucky and every other innocent person he hurt.”

Steve looked into your eyes and you held his gaze. You knew he was reading you and trying to figure out if you were telling the truth. Seconds had never passed slower than they did at that moment. Not only was Bucky’s life dependent on if Steve trusted you or not he was also Bucky’s best friend. You didn’t want him as your enemy.

You breathe a sigh of relief as Steve nodded and lowered his gaze a little. “We aren’t responsible for the actions of our parents. My father wasn’t someone I aspire to be like either.”

You nodded before taking a deep breath and lowering yourself down on the floor. You knew Steve’s father had beat him and his mother. You knew that Bucky had almost beaten his drunk ass once too if Steve hadn’t stopped him. Steve was a good man. Miles from who his father had been, you wanted to tell him that but you also didn’t want to overstep just as you appeared to be gaining the man’s trust.

You closed your eyes for a few seconds. The adrenaline was starting to leave your body and almost 24 hours without sleep and 12 hours with Bucky back in your presence, hurt and fighting for his life, was starting to wear on you.

“You can sleep for a few hours. The drip will take a while to run through. I’ll wake you if anything happens, Dr. Pierce” Steve offered and you opened your eyes giving him a small smile.

“No. I’m the only one here with medical training. I have to stay awake,” you answered him and Steve nodded. “And please call me Y/N. Or Doctor. Whatever you feel comfortable with. My last name isn’t actually something I am proud of these days.”

“It’s your name too,” Steve looked at you with something you couldn’t place. Compassion or maybe it was understanding. Either way, you were starting to relax in the man’s company.

“I know it is,” you didn’t know what else to say but it seemed as if you didn’t have too.

“So how did you meet Bucky, Doctor?” Steve asked you and you smiled as he did as you asked.

“In the medbay in DC, about three years ago. I didn’t know who he was or what they were doing to him for another year. Not until the day you made the sky rain with Helicarriers really. Just a few hours before that,” you answered him truthfully, before looking down in shame. “I couldn’t help him. I should have tried though.”

“It seems like you have,” Steve’s voice was calm and friendly. You looked up in surprise and Steve smiled a sad smile. “When I found him in Romania a few days ago, he didn’t even trust me to tell me he knew who I was. He trusted you enough to lead us here today.”

“That’s…” you took a deep breath before deciding to trust Steve. “If he had been alone he might have trusted you. He was giving me a chance to get away.”

The surprise on Steve’s face was more than evident and you gave him a small smile. “I helped him figure out who he was before they made him forget and he helped me get out of the States. I would have gone to prison. Who was going to believe the daughter of the head of Hydra had no idea who she was working for?”

“Bucky did,” Steve seemed to relax a little and you nodded.

“He did.”

“So do I,” Steve smiled at you and you felt as if a stone dropped from your heart. You hadn’t realized just how much his trust had meant to you until that moment.

“I fought a lot of bullies in my life. Enough to know when I am looking at one. I’m not right now,” Steve assured you and you smiled and lowered your gaze as he continued. “I actually met Bucky fighting about six of them.”

“Getting your ass kicked by them were his words,” you blurted out and you quickly looked back up at Steve with a panicked look in your eyes. Steve didn’t say anything. You could see the surprise in his eyes but he stayed quiet.

The silence quickly became too much on you and you jumped back up, starting to check Bucky’s bandages and gently wash the blood away from the wounds that seemed to have healed already.

“He’s doing good,” you mumbled, knowing Steve would hear you as his eyes rested on you as you worked. “He’ll pull through. He’s strong.”

“I know he is,” Steve answered quietly before the room went quiet again. It wasn’t until you finished your work that Steve got up and helped you carry the tray of used bandages to the trash in the kitchen while you poured out the bloodied water.

“There’s more to it than him having helped you, isn’t there?” Steve asked and you looked up in surprise. You weren’t sure what to say. You could tell him the truth, but you didn’t want him to mistrust you again. How you felt and anything that had happened was genuine, not a ploy to get Bucky to keep you safe from capture. You also didn’t know if Bucky wanted anyone to know. He had come here because he had no other choice and clearly he hadn’t really done anything to prepare Steve beforehand.

You opened and closed your mouth, not sure what to say as Steve watched you carefully. He didn’t look angry but you also knew that could change fast. Before you had a chance to say anything, you were saved by T’Challa entering the kitchen clearing his throat.

“I’m here to be relieved,” T’Challa spoke and you quickly rushed back into the living room away from Steve’s inquisitive eyes and back to Bucky’s side.  

**Paris, Late 2015**

“I’m home,” Bucky called out as he kicked off his boots and let the door close behind him. He had managed to get work at a construction site not far from their cheap little studio apartment.

You had gotten a part-time job at a local preschool under an alias Bucky had set up for you. It was the steadiest jobs they had managed since they had been on the run. Bucky knew you loved Paris and that was the reason he had allowed the two of you to stay for three months. He knew you had to move on soon, but he dreaded bringing it up with you. You were happy here and Bucky couldn’t help but think you’d might be better off if he one day just left in the middle of the night; leaving you to live your life in peace.

“Hi.” Your blinding smile as you looked over your shoulder from where you stood at the small kitchenette made him forget that impulse. It was your choice to be here with him and Bucky would never rob you of your right to decide over your own life. You weren’t a burden, far from it. He knew that he could move faster without you, but you brought him a sense of peace. Coming home to you felt normal and comforting. You were the only real friend he had for decades.

“Did you get them?” you asked and Bucky’s heart almost skipped a beat with he saw the excitement on your face. He loved how small things like this made you happy. He would do anything in his power to keep that smile on your face. A short trip to the farmer’s market wasn’t any sacrifice at all. Bucky held up the bag of berries and you smiled even wider as you crossed the room to take it from him.

“You’re the best,” you grinned as you stood on your toes to give his cheek a kiss.

Bucky looked down to the ground with a small smile on his face. He felt his cheeks heat up a little, but if you saw you didn’t comment on it. Touch came easy to you and you were coming increasingly freer with it around Bucky. It had been difficult for him in the beginning but you had shown him patience. Now he loved it.

Being around you reminded him of who he used to be before the war and HYDRA. It felt domestic and normal at times, even if a part of Bucky was constantly on edge. People were looking for both of you and the last thing Bucky wanted was to go back to being controlled.

“Can I help?” Bucky asked as you turned your back against him going back to cooking. You shook your head and shot him a smile over your shoulder. He really loved those smile. You were always so positive and happy, despite everything and Bucky wanted to make sure you stayed that way. No matter what.

“I’m almost done. You can set the table,” you suggested and Bucky instantly obeyed. “I can’t wait for you to taste this Almond Cheesecake. The berries look just perfect too. You’re amazing Buck.”

Bucky smiled as you chatted away about dinner and dessert. It wasn’t an everyday thing but you loved cooking so even if Bucky knew you shouldn’t be spending this kind of money just on food, he didn’t say anything. It didn’t happen too often and it kept you smiling, so it was well worth it in his mind.

Dinner passed with the two of you chatting about your day before you got to dessert. You took a deep breath as you placed a huge piece in front of Bucky. He took a bite as you sat down looking expectantly at him before tasting it yourself.  

Bucky closed his eyes as the flavors exploded in his mouth and he hummed in contentment. When he reopened his eyes he saw you smiling so big your cheeks had to be hurting and Bucky couldn’t help but return it.

“It’s really good Doc,” he said softly and you grinned, taking a bite of your own piece.

“It’s my mom’s recipe. We used to cook it together all the time,” you explained and Bucky frowned a little listening to your story. The two of you had gotten close over the past year, but neither of you rarely spoke much of your past.

“We did everything together. My… Alexander was rarely home,” you explained before Bucky interrupted you.

“You don’t have to call him that. He…” Bucky tried but didn’t get far before you stopped him. The look in your eyes was filled with hatred and anger. It wasn’t directed at Bucky but he still hated it. He wanted you smiling.

“He killed thousands of people Bucky. He tortured you,” you stopped when he flinched and you lowered your eyes. “Sorry.”

Bucky reached across the table with his right hand, taking yours in his. He rarely initiated physical contact but wanted to comfort you. He smiled softly when you looked up, with tears in your eyes and gave your hand a small squeeze. He didn’t know what to say but he hoped you felt that he didn’t blame you for anything. On the contrary, he was grateful to you for showing him compassion when no one else had and for being here with him right now.

“We never had much of a relationship,” you said quietly, “and after all that he did… I’m not sad that he is dead. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No. I don’t think it does,” Bucky answered honestly and you smiled as your eyes locked. It felt like minutes passed as you sat quietly looking at each other with hands linked before you cleared your throat and pulled back your hand to dry your eyes.

“Eat,” you motioned towards his plate, “there’s plenty left. I know you have a sweet tooth.” You changed the subject with a small plea in your voice for him to let it go and he did. He just smiled back at you before taking a huge bite, causing you to laugh.

The rest of the night passed like nights usually went. The two of you helped each other clean up the dishes before you disappeared into the bathroom to get ready for the night. When you returned you climbed into bed and Bucky gave you a small smile before he let the bathroom door close behind him.

The apartment was small and there was only room for one bed. It wasn’t the first place you had lived where that had been the case, but it was the first time you had managed to convince Bucky to share it with you and not sleep on the floor. So when he returned he silently climbed into bed next to you, watching you reach out for the book laying on the nightstand next to you.

“We have to move on soon,” Bucky spoke quietly not looking straight at you. He knew you loved Paris and he wished the two of you could stay here, but three months in a big international city like this was already far too long.

“I know,” you sighed, letting the book rest in your lap as you looked over at him. “I’m sad to go. Paris is stunning, but you’re right.”

“I like France but Paris is not my favorite,” Bucky said quietly. He wasn’t sure why he was telling you this. Maybe because you had opened up about your past earlier or maybe because he just wanted you to know who he had been before he was this.

“No?” you asked, sliding down in bed, resting your head on your elbow as you looked up at him and Bucky couldn’t help but smile at how comfortable you looked next to him.

“No. There was this small farm outside Antibes where the Howlis took shelter once waiting on Steve. We met up with him in town, but that farm stayed with me. The town is gorgeous too but…” Bucky trailed off and you smiled when your eyes met.

“So no one knows it?” you asked, causing Bucky to frown.

“Well. I’m sure it’s either abandoned or someone lives there but no one living knows about us spending time there if that’s what you are asking,” Bucky looked at you curiously as your face lit up.

“That’s gonna be our place then,” you decided before flopping onto your back resting your head in his lap and Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. Just like it always did when you did something like that.

“If we ever get separated, that’s where we’ll meet up,” you explained with a grin before handing him the book. “It’s your turn to read.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows looking down at you in amusement. He hadn’t ever met anyone like you before. Sweet, soft and so incredibly bossy all at the same time and you trusted him. You didn’t look at him like a weapon or a killer. To you, he was just Bucky and the face you pulled at him when he didn’t take the book right away reminded him of that. He burst out laughing, taking the book from your hand with a small shake of his head, before opening it on the page where you had stuck a small leaf between the pages last night and cleared his throat, starting to read out loud to you.


	6. Trust and Love

**Antibes, 2016**

T’Challa didn’t seem to have the same need as Steve did to watch over you, so after making sure there wasn’t anything you needed, he fell asleep on the couch. Still in full gear and seemingly ready to spring into action if Steve were to call him. 

You knew that you should go to bed. Your head and body were screaming at you to go lie down, but your heart wouldn’t let you leave Bucky’s side. So instead you dragged your most comfortable chair across to floor before curling up in at, sitting at Bucky’s right near his head. 

After a quick glance over at T’Challa to make sure he was sleeping, you reached out taking Bucky’s hand in yours. You raised it slightly, pressing it against your cheek. He was as warm as always and had he been anyone else, you’d had been sure he was running a fever, but you know better. Bucky ran hot, which was probably the reason you hadn’t died the day you had fallen through the ice. He had saved your life that day and hopefully, you’d been able to repay the favor today. 

“Bucky. Honey, please. I need you to fight. I need you to wake up soon,” you whispered, kissing the back of his hand. “I can’t lose you and I don’t know how much longer I can prevent Steve from flying you out of here. I know you told me he is stubborn, but Christ almighty…” you smiled a little at your own joke, knowing Bucky would have appreciated it. “Come back to us Buck.” You mumbled, quietly as you rested your head back his arm, clinging to his hand. “Please come back.”

Your eyes fell closed and you drifted off into a light sleep, calmed by Bucky’s presence but all too aware of his and your own situation. 

You weren’t sure how long you had slept when you woke up to Steve and T’Challa’s voices coming from the hallway. 

“How many were there?” T’Challa asked and you froze, knowing you were no longer safe. You sat up slowly as Steve answered he had seen two teams of twelve officers but he couldn’t be sure there weren’t more. 

“We could take them,” Steve wondered out loud and you looked over your shoulder to see Steve standing with his back turned and T’Challa nodded. 

“It would buy him some time but not much,” T’Challa agreed as you stood up, moving your hands to check Bucky’s pulse. It was stronger, still weaker than you would like but better than yesterday. 

“Doctor?” Steve’s voice sounded from behind you, but you didn’t pay attention. Instead, you headed for the ultrasound machine, pulling to across the room, back the dining table and Bucky. 

“You heard us,” Steve concluded as you started up the machine. 

“I did,” you nodded. “How long?”

“Before they are here? Two hours. Three at the most,” Steve answered you truthfully and you nodded again.

“And if you fight them back?” you looked up at Steve, waiting for the machine to be ready. 

“10. Maybe less.”

You closed your eyes taking a deep breath, pulling down the blanket you had covered Bucky with last night before falling asleep and running the wand over his abdomen. The bleeding was still closed. He was healing but you weren’t sure if it was fast enough. Any other patient you wouldn’t ever have considered to move. In any other circumstance, you would never have considered moving him either. 

“Doctor? What’s your medical opinion? Can we move him now? I know it’s only been 20 hours,” Steve stopped to take a breath and you did the same. “We can buy him time.”

“And if a few of them slips past? I know how to use a gun but he is an easy target right now,” you thought out loud and Steve nodded. 

“If you think it’s safe I’d prefer getting him out of here now,” Steve stepped closer, putting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, looking down at his friend. “But you’re right. He brought us here. He trusts you. I’m gonna do the same,” Steve looked up, and his eyes met yours. 

You had been in Doctors without Borders. You had made less than ideal judgment calls in the past, but this was Bucky. You looked away from Steve, studying Bucky’s face. You reached out, gently running your fingers through his hair, no longer caring who was watching. There’s a reason why doctors aren’t supposed to work on loved ones. You hadn’t had a choice then, but you did now. Steve was trusting you to make the right call and you prayed that you did. 

“Is there a portable gurney on that jet?” You looked back up at Steve, who nodded and you took a deep breath. “Go get it. We’re moving him.”

Steve gave you a quick nod, before turning around and heading towards the door, but T’Challa stopped him. 

“It might be better to fly it into the courtyard,” he suggested and your eyes widened. 

“If we do that, we’ll reveal our location and they’ll be on us in twenty minutes,” Steve argued, but T’Challa looked over at you.

“It’s a ten-minute walk to the jet from here. To keep him steady on a gurney we’ll need to strap him down,” T’Challa began to explain before you interrupted him. 

“No! We can’t strap him down,” you knew T’Challa was right. To safely get him across the field you were going to have too, but it wasn’t an option. 

“Y/N,” Steve started, taking a step closer to you again, but you violently shook your head. 

“Steve we can’t. If he wakes up, he is going to panic if we do that. He’s gonna pull the stitches. We can’t strap him down. T’Challa is right. We get everything ready and carry him straight in as fast as we can. If you can land it in the yard?” you pleaded with him and Steve frowned. You could see the wheels turning in his head, but as long as he agreed to this you didn’t care. You needed Steve on your side more than ever.

“I can,” Steve assured you after a moment. “Okay. You’re calling the shots Doctor. Tell us what you need us to do.”

“T’Challa. Go get the gurney and take these back to the jet,” you handed the king a few bags of saline and he nodded, rushing out the door as you turned to Steve, “you’re gonna help me get him ready.”

Steve followed your every order, quietly and with precision as you changed Bucky’s bandages, tightening them as much as you dared to keep the wounds safe and sterile. With Steve’s help, you moved Bucky to the far left of the table just as T’Challa returned with the gurney. 

You guided the two men to place the gurney on the table and the three of you carefully managed to slide Bucky onto it, before placing it back onto the middle of the table. 

“Okay. Get the jet and come back inside as soon as you have landed. It has to be the two of you that carries him. I’m not strong enough to keep him steady,” you looked into Steve’s eyes and he gave you a quick nod again, before rushing out the door. 

“He’s gonna be okay,” T’Challa placed a hand on your shoulder as you nervously fidgeted with the saline for no reason and once more checked Bucky’s pulse. It was steady, maybe even a little stronger. 

“I know,” you forced a smile as you heard the jet take off and five minutes later it was hovering a few inches from your walls. It took Steve a few tries. It was a narrow fit but ten minutes after the jet was in the air, it had landed three feet from your door and Steve was back inside, looking a little out of breath. 

“Well done Captain,” T’Challa praised and you sent Steve what you hoped was a smile. You were impressed but worried. 

“Okay. T’Challa take the front,” you grabbed the e drip keeping it high, before looking back at Steve. “You get the back.”

Five minutes and a lot of orders of going slow, the two men put Bucky down in the back of the jet. You breathe a sigh of relief, before hanging the drip on a hook above Bucky’s head. 

You felt the tears press against your eyes, now that the task was done. Steve had trusted you, but you were who you were. There was no place for you wherever they were going. You quickly placed a hand against Bucky’s cheek as a tear fell down your cheek. 

“Stay safe,” you whispered, before turning around and heading out the jet. You heard T’Challa call Steve’s name. The soldier was already back in the cockpit as you exited the jet, and you surely hadn’t expected him to be behind you before you reached your front door, closing his hand around your arm to stop you. 

“Where are you going? We need to get in the air now!” Steve scolded as you turned around to look at him. Surprise was written all over your face but Steve didn’t see it at first. He was too busy looking over his shoulder, clearly hearing something you couldn’t yet. 

“You want me to come with you? I’m a fugitive,” you asked, and Steve’s eyes snapped back to you. His expression instantly softened. 

“So am I. So is Bucky,” Steve took a deep breath, clearly fighting to keep calm. “Listen it’s your choice. I’m not going to force you to come with us, but he’s important to you isn’t he?”

You swallowed harshly, before you nodded, feeling the tears form in your eyes once more. “I love him.”

Steve didn’t react, he just held his hand out to you. “Then come with us. Help us get him to Wakanda safe.”

You looked over Steve’s shoulder to see the King waiting impatiently near the opening send you a nod. You were offered asylum if you chose to take it. It wasn’t much of a choice. Not if it was were Bucky was going to be, so you took Steve’s hand letting him drag you back into the jet. You took off just as the farm was swarmed by French police and Interpol. 

**Bucharest, Early 2016**

You didn’t pay attention to Bucky and the landlord speaking. It wasn’t as if you could understand a word they were saying anyway. Romanian wasn’t on your list of specialties. Instead, you looked around the apartment. It was a little bigger than the last one in Turkey, no less rugged looking. There were a table and a few chairs in the kitchen area and a mattress on the floor already. It didn’t matter much to you what it looked like, you’d lived worse places than this. You might have been raised in a huge mansion but you’d never cared much about possessions or money. You cared about places feeling like home. 

Bucky had barely closed the door between the two of you and the landlord before you started unpacking your few possessions. You placed two candlelights on the table and looked proudly over at Bucky who shook his head laughing at you. 

“What?” you placed your hands on your hips, trying to look stern but you couldn’t prevent yourself from smiling. Bucky had been so happy lately and it was contagious. He deserved all the happiness in the world and you were glad you got to add to that in any small way.

“You always do that,” he said with a smile, only continuing when he saw your confused frown. “Placing little trinkets around every new place.” 

“It makes it feel a little more like home,” you shrugged. We move around so much,” you stopped when you saw Bucky’s face fall. You weren’t sure what you had said but you wanted to kick yourself for it. 

“You probably don’t have too,” he said quietly. “I could set you up with a few extra aliases just in case. But you blend in easier and you didn’t kill hundreds of people,” Bucky looked down to the floor between his feet. He didn’t want you to leave him. You were the only good thing in his life aside from his freedom, but he didn’t want to keep you against your will. “We could even fake your death if…”

Bucky stopped talking when he felt your hand against his cheek. You gently guided him to look into your eyes and you smiled softly when he did. The adoration and tenderness in your eyes made his heart skip a beat and your words almost stopped it.

“A home is not a place. It’s people. You’re my home Bucky. I don’t want to leave you. I never wanna leave you,” you finally confessed. You had been falling in love with him probably since the moment you had first met, but it hadn’t been until a few months ago you had allowed yourself to admit it to yourself. It was time he knew too and you hoped with everything you had that you were right in him feeling the same about you. 

Bucky carefully reached out to you, resting his left hand on your hip and cupped your cheek in his right. He felt tears press against his eyes as you leaned into his touch. He loved you. He had known that for a long time but he had never for a second thought you’d feel the same. You deserved so much better than him, but the way you looked at him made him forget that. 

It was as if a magnetic pull drew the two of you towards each other until your lips met in an at first careful kiss. You let Bucky take the lead, knowing he probably needed some time getting used to this new kind of affection. You hummed lowly, as you ran your fingers into his hair, letting him know you were enjoying yourself as he slowly deepened the kiss.

Your heart was beating so fast; you and your entire body was aching for him as he grew bolder, tightening his hold on you as he pulled you impossibly close. He kissed you so passionately your head started to spin. His hands began wandering your body and you took his lead letting yours do the same to him. You felt him shiver slightly under your touch as your hands traveled beneath his shirt.

You were both heaving for breath when Bucky broke the kiss. He wanted you so badly. He wished he was normal. That he was who he had been once, not someone who had to struggle to adjust every time you touched him. Even if you had been affectionate with him for a while this was different.

“I…” Bucky struggled to explain, but you just shook your head, running your hands up his chest under his shirt and Bucky swallowed and closed his eyes, letting himself enjoy your touch. 

“We can stop whenever you need too,” you assured him. “I won’t be offended. Anything you need.”

“You,” Bucky reopened his eyes, reaching out pulling you back close. “I need you.”

The little giggle that escaped you, made Bucky’s heart skip a beat as you pressed your lips back against his in a sweet kiss. “You got me.”

You took your time, kissing, undressing and exploring each other’s bodies and at some point, Bucky had lifted you off the floor, walked you both across the room and laid you down on the mattress in the corner of the room.  

Bucky heard your heartbeat racing as fast as his own as he was hovering above you. He couldn’t believe he was here with you. He leaned down kissing you softly and smiled when he felt your hands in his hair, drawing him closer as he slowly pushed into you. 

Bucky gasped, breaking the kiss and resting his head against your shoulder as he struggled to not end this almost before it began. He felt your sharp intakes of breath even out as you adjusted to him faster than he managed to calm himself down and you started to soothingly run your hands up and down his back. 

“It’s okay. Take your time,” you whispered into his ear and finally, Bucky started to relax and your eyes met for a few seconds before he kissed you again. 

There was nothing rushed about your first time together. You made love to each other slow and gently, taking your time to explore and get to know each other’s bodies. You allowed Bucky all the breaks he needed, getting used to the rush of emotions and sensations being with you brought on. 

When you finally came apart, it was with a whispered I love you and Bucky followed soon after. He stayed on top of you and inside you for the longest time, peppering your neck and shoulder with kisses, and you ran your hands up and down his back trying to catch your breath. When he did pull out and roll off you, he brought you with him. You rested your head against his heart as his arms encapsulated you. You couldn’t remember ever feeling as safe and loved as you did at that moment. 

You closed your eyes, relaxing completely as Bucky quietly drew patterns against your skin with his metal hand, sending pleasant shivers through your body as the cool metal came in contact with your heated skin. 

You were just about to fall asleep when he moved. Bucky chuckled when you groaned in discontent. It didn’t work. He still got up and you rolled onto your stomach to look after him. You smiled as Bucky crossed the room, bending down without any thought as to getting dressed, reaching for his backpack. 

“Not that I am not enjoying the view here Buck, but I kinda prefer you in my bed,” you teased just as Bucky pulled something from the bag. 

He chuckled and returned to you, “First off it’s a mattress, not a bed,” he retorted, making you stick out your tongue at him playfully. “And my view is better.” 

“Agree to disagree on that one,” you giggled, moving to halfway lay on this back when he laid back down on this stomach next to you, resting in his elbows with a small wooden box in his hands. 

“What’s that, honey?” you asked, kissing his shoulder blade before peeking down as he opened it. 

“Memories,” he answered quietly and you didn’t press him. You just waited, as you watched him pulled out an old newspaper clipping. It had a picture of Steve Rogers and Bucky on it. He looked different though. His hair was shorter and he looked younger even if he hadn’t changed much. He looked more carefree and your heart ached for him as you quietly nuzzled closer to him. 

“You were close right?” your voice was barely above a whisper. You weren’t sure how much he remembered yet or what he even felt like sharing with you. It was his past and his call. 

Bucky nodded, giving you a small squeeze. “He was my best friend. Is I guess. He’s a stubborn little punk. I’m sure he’s still looking for me.”

You smiled softly when he looked down into your eyes. “You remind me a little of him actually.”

Bucky laughed as your hand landed flat against your chest and you playfully pouted at him. He kissed the tip of your nose and you struggled not to giggle when he smiled widely down at you. 

“He’ll like you. He might be a little sulky at first but if you stand your ground he will respect you. And you care about people…” Bucky’s words trailed out as he looked down at the clipping. It was more than obvious to you that he missed his best friend. You leaned up pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek before teasingly trying to peek into the box again. 

“What else is in there Buck?” you asked, causing him to chuckle and give you a squeeze. 

Bucky took a deep breath pulling out a small decorated stone. “I found this in the cabin in Siberia. When you almost…”

You let yourself fall down onto your side, cupping his cheek in your hand making him look at you. “I didn’t. I’m right here.”

“I promised myself then I would never let you get hurt again,” Bucky mumbled and you smiled, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.

“You kept it,” you reminded him, “I love you.”

Bucky looked into your eyes and finally, a small smile spread across his face. “I love you too, doll.”

“Doll? Really Buck?” you giggled, making him groan playfully and pounce you; the box long forgotten as he kissed you breathless lying beneath him.


	7. Wakanda

**Wakanda, 2016**

Wakanda was an absolutely gorgeous country but you had barely left the hospital for the past day since you got here. T’Challa’s medical team had been ready the minute the jet had landed and Bucky had been rushed inside, closely followed by you telling the senior doctor everything you had done. 

After a quick examination, Bucky had been deemed to be in recovery and all you could do was to wait. Which was what you were doing, sitting in a chair next to his hospital bed holding his hand. 

Steve had been coming and going, as he was planning a return to the States. A few of his friends had been imprisoned during their last mission and Steve was dead set on getting them out. He was a loyal man and you had to say, that even if you had started off on the wrong foot, you greatly admired him. You had no problem seeing how he was Bucky’s best friend. They were a lot alike in many ways, though Bucky seemed to possess a great deal more patience than the Captain. 

You didn’t though. You wanted Bucky to be awake. You needed to see those beautiful blue eyes of his again. To feel his arm around you and his soft lips against yours. But you were so very tired from the pressure and drama of the past few days. You were a doctor, yes, but a soldier you were not and you had no desire to become one. It had been a lot on your mind and body so, much against your will, you had fallen asleep with your head resting against the side of the armchair and Bucky’s hand securely captured in yours. 

Bucky felt the light of the bright room start to fill his vision as he slowly stirred. The beeping of the machine next to him pulled him rather violently out of his slumber. The sound reminded him of HYDRA and the times he had woken up strapped to a table or a chair. He wasn’t on a table. He was in a bed and he wasn’t strapped down. 

But the room was white, the sound of machines surrounded him and his heart was hammering as he looked panicked around. At first, he didn’t hear anything but the machines, not until you moved sitting down on the bed in front of him, and putting yourself directly in his line of vision. 

“Bucky. Hey. It’s me. Y/N. You’re safe,” you spoke calmly, placing your hands on his thighs. You kept speaking until you saw the panic start to leave his eyes and his breathing began to even out. 

“Hi. Welcome back baby,” you felt the tears start to stream down your cheeks but you didn’t care. You threw your arms around Bucky’s neck as he reached out for you. You buried your face in his neck and sobbed as he wrapped his arm around you, holding you closely against his chest. 

“Shh, it’s okay Doc. I’m here sweetheart. I’m okay,” Bucky spoke softly, closing his eyes as he breathe you in. He hadn’t been sure he would ever see you again when he ran from the police and Steve in Romania. He sure as hell hadn’t thought he would survive to hold you again when Tony Stark had kept coming at him. 

You slowly pulled back, letting Bucky dry the tears around from your eyes and you gave him a small smile. “I thought I lost you.”

“You didn’t,” Bucky smiled, tugging the hair away from your face before looking around again. “We’re not in France anymore are we?”

“No. Wakanda. King T’Challa offered us asylum. Steve… I’ll get someone to get him,” you suddenly remembered, moving to get off the bed, but Bucky moved quicker. He wrapped his hand around your arm, pulling you back down. 

“Not so fast,” Bucky muttered, leaning in pressing his lips against yours and you instantly relaxed into him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, and Bucky pulled you as close as humanly possible and he still didn’t feel like it was close enough. 

You giggled as Bucky broke the kiss, only to kiss his way from your cheek, down your jaw, and to your neck. 

“I missed you,” he sighed, burying his face in your neck, and you ran your fingers through his hair. 

“I missed you too,” you turned your head kissing the side of his head. “You need to rest though and I need to get Steve before he comes back in here and yells at me for not telling him you’re up.”

Bucky chuckled, giving you a small squeeze before releasing you and lying back down obediently. 

“You stood up to him huh?” he asked with a grin, making you wiggle your nose at him. 

“I did,” you grinned, kissing his cheek before getting up in search of the second super soldier.

***

As the days passed Bucky kept getting stronger physically but he was in a bad headspace. He quickly began withdrawing himself from you. It hurt but you understood. 

It had been two years since Bucky hadn’t been in control of his own mind and a week ago someone had listed a few words stealing his free will from him yet again. He was as quiet as he had been on your first few weeks on the run. He returned your affections but he didn’t initiate them anymore. Bucky was hurting and it was breaking your heart. 

Bucky was sitting on the balcony of the apartment you had temporarily been offered close to the hospital. Princess Shuri was working on a new arm for Bucky, as well as a way for him to keep control over his mind. The first didn’t seem to interest Bucky all that much and the second was a slow process. 

He had been sitting out there for hours and you weren’t sure what to do. You were pacing the floor, going back and forth between reading and getting drinks from the kitchen. You felt absolutely helpless and you hated it. 

You jumped when the doorbell rang after having been deep in your own thoughts. Bucky, on the other hand, didn’t flinch and you sighed deeply. 

“I’ll get it you called,” without waiting for an answer you headed for the front door only to find Steve on the other side. He was a frequent guest and you smiled, welcoming him with a hug. He shared your worries about Bucky, which meant the two of you quickly had grown closer. 

“How is he?” Steve asked as he released you only to have Bucky yell back from the balcony. 

“He can hear you.”

“Grumpy,” you mouthed to Steve who suppressed a laugh as the two of you headed out to Bucky. The two men hugged before the three of you sat down. Bucky surprised you by reaching out to give your hand a squeeze as you passed him. For some reason, that little display of affection worried you more than it calmed you.

“What’s that?” Steve nodded towards the little box that stood in front of Bucky. You had no idea how he had managed to keep that, but you also had no clue how he had found a lot of the things inside it. Somethings were better not to question you learned. 

“Memories,” Bucky smiled, pulling an old photograph from the 1940s out of the box and showed Steve. 

“No way! That was the day before we stormed the beach. I was sure you’d sleep through the entire mission with how long you danced with that nurse,” Steve remembered, and Bucky placed a solid kick to his shine as he passed the picture to you. 

“Really Steve!”

You laughed taking the picture with a shrug. “That’s alright. I can’t really be jealous of people you flirted with when I wasn’t born yet.”

“And she made it worse,” Bucky grumbled, as both you and Steve laughed. You looked at the picture of a group of men. Steve was easy to stop and next to him was Bucky. His hair was a lot shorter then and he was clean shaven but aside from that, he hadn’t changed much.

“You were cute,” you smiled at Bucky before passing the picture back to him with one hand and tugging his long hair with the other, “I prefer the long hair though.”

Your eyes widened as you saw the small piece of candle hiding in the box. You quickly reached out snatching it before Bucky could react.

“Is that from Paris?” you asked, and Bucky nodded, looking a bit shy. 

“It was the first night you told me you loved me. I couldn’t carry around pictures of you in case…” Bucky trailed out. “I wanted a memory.”

You smiled putting back the candle and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Who knew you were such a sap,” you teased. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Bucky replied before taking a breath. “Which is why I talked to T’Challa. I’m going back into cryo.”

“What?” your eyes widen and you stared at him as you felt the panic start to overtake you. Cryo wasn’t unsafe. He had gone under a lot of time. It wasn’t a guarantee he was to wake up again. 

Bucky looked at Steve who was frowning but seemed to be more patiently waiting for an explanation than you. So he turned to face you, trying to take your hand in his but you pulled away. 

“It’s not safe Bucky. You just woke up a few days ago from a coma,” you rambled, “and why would you do that to yourself? You’re safe here…”

“But you’re not,” Bucky interrupted you. “Neither of you. No one here is safe from me. I can’t trust my own mind and until the princess finds a way to get what they put in my head out I can’t be awake.”

“Are you sure about this pal? You don’t have too. No one here will try and control you,” Steve tried to reason but Bucky just shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter. I already spoke to T’Challa. It’s happening tomorrow,” Bucky informed you, leaving no room for discussion and you felt the tears spring from your eyes as you stood up abruptly and ran from the room. 

Bucky closed his eyes as he let you leave and when Steve raised from his chair to go after you, Bucky reached out to stop him. He knew you. He knew were gonna come back on your own. You just needed a moment to process what he had just told you. 

“Let her go. She’ll come back after you’ve left,” Bucky assured Steve who sat down again, still looking at the door you disappeared through. 

“Steve, I love her,” Bucky blurted, and Steve’s attention instantly returned to his friend. “This is hard on her. I need you to look after her while I’m under.” Bucky looked over at his friend meeting his eyes and Steve placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“I’ll keep her safe. She’ll be waiting for you when you get better. We both will,” Steve promised and Bucky smiled gratefully before looking back out into the horizon. He wished he didn’t have to do this, but he also couldn’t risk anyone else ever getting hurt because of him. 

***

You stood next to Steve as you watched the doctors prep Bucky for his cryo-sleep. It had been an emotional day yesterday. You had yelled at him, cried against him and made love to him all before the sun came up. You had promised him you would wait for him as long as it took and that you would always love him. Bucky had promised you it wouldn’t be forever and that you’d start a life together when he was back. 

Steve gave Bucky a hug and you kissed him softly before he was placed in the chamber. Steve asked him for the fifth time if he was sure about this and Bucky patiently said he was. When the glass froze over you turned around, clinging to Steve and burying your face against his chest. He held you as you cried. He followed you home and stayed with you for dinner. You shared stories of Bucky and he sat with you on the balcony that night as you absentmindedly played with the ring you wore in a necklace around your neck. 

“Where did you get that?” Steve suddenly said, reaching over taking the ring between his fingers and you frowned a little confused. 

“Bucky gave it to me the week before you showed in Romania,” you answered him honestly. 

“I wonder where he got that,” Steve wondered out loud and you looked down at the ring with a shrug. 

“I don’t know. It looks kinda antique,” you looked up in surprise when Steve started laughing. 

“Well, I guess it is. It was his mother’s ring,” Steve chuckled and your jaw dropped. 

“It was… Does this mean I’m engaged and didn’t even know it?” You glared at Steve since the culprit wasn’t around to take the heat. Steve just laughed even harder at your reaction and you opened and closed your mouth in confusion before mumbling. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Let’s hope you get that done before he kills me for sorta proposing for him,” Steve grinned, and you rolled your eyes, before breaking into laughter along with Steve. For the first time in forever, you had a family. Even if Bucky was going to be asleep for a while, he had made sure you weren’t alone and you knew you were never going to be again.


	8. Epilogue

**Wakanda, 2018**

You smiled as you leaned against the doorway to your bedroom. The sunbeams came through the windows of your hut, landing across Bucky’s back illuminating his skin. He was laying on his stomach, splayed out completely taking up all of the bed in your absence. The covers laid low, just barely covered his ass. He was quite the sight and you wished you could stand there watching him all day. He looked so serene you almost didn’t want to wake him, but you knew you had too. 

Bucky had been awake for about a year now after having spent three months in cryo. Thanks to Princess Shuri, his mind was now completely his own, but he had still declined her offer of a new arm. He didn’t need two arms to farm goats and hold you, had been his reply. You didn’t care either way. As long as he was happy and back with you, his number of arms was of little significance to you. 

Bucky was happy. It had taken a few months before he was back to being the man that had left you in Romania, but now he was even better. He was smiling and laughing a lot more. He was more talkative on some days than others, but he seemed to be at peace with himself these days. 

You tiptoed across the room, before gently laying down across his back covering him like a blanket as you started pressing small kisses to his shoulder and neck. Bucky hummed in contentment but didn’t move. 

“Get up sleepy,” you teased, playfully biting his earlobe and a smile spread across Bucky’s face. His eyes stayed closed though as he answered you. 

“Don’t want too.”

You laughed, loving this lazy Bucky. A Bucky that was able to sleep in without nightmares. They weren’t completely gone and you doubted they ever would be, but they didn’t happen every night anymore. Wakanda was doing him good. 

“Buck. Your goats are gonna break into my kitchen and eat the lunch I am preparing for our friends if you don’t get your ass out of bed,” you pretend scolded as you got back on your feet. Your new upright position didn’t last longer than a split second though before you were back in bed laying on your back beneath Bucky. 

You squealed and slapped his chest, when he grinned down at you. No matter how long the two of you had been together now, you weren’t sure you were ever getting used to those super-soldier reflexes of his. 

“Don’t do that,” you pouted, making Bucky laugh as he leaned down to kiss you good morning. His hand quickly started to roam your body and he groaned in protest as it came into contact with your summer dress. 

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Bucky grumbled, still naked from your activities last night. 

“Or you’re wearing too little,” you laughed, gently tugging his hair to make him look at you. “I’m serious Buck. If the goats break in again, I’m…”

Bucky leaned down to kiss you again before you could finish and you playfully whined against his lips. It didn’t prevent you from kissing him back or being a little disappointed when he actually obeyed you and rose from the bed, leaving you to admire him as he walked into the bathroom without covering up. 

“See anything you like?” Bucky teased, and you sighed deeply and dramatically, much to his amusement. 

“Most definitely,” you giggled as you got back up, to straighten your dress. “I’m heading into town. I need a few things for dinner tonight. Feeding both you and Steve means cooking for eight,” you teased, and Bucky poked his head out of the bathroom, to pull a face at you. 

“Hey!” 

“Hi,” you grinned, pressing a kiss to his lips, tasting his toothpaste. “Do you need anything?” 

“Just you,” Bucky wiggled his eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes at his shenanigans.

“Well I ain’t for sale,” you retorted and Bucky instantly, wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you against his chest, making you giggle.

“You bet your cute ass you’re not,” he grumbled playfully before kissing you again.

***

You finally managed to make it out the door and into the city. When you returned Bucky was in the pin with the goats. They followed his every movement as he cleaned out their area. You smiled as he talked to them as he went. You didn’t know about what. You didn’t bother him when he was alone with the animals. It was good therapy for him and he always seemed so peaceful working with them. 

Instead, you went back inside, preparing for dinner before getting lunch out on the table outside the hut. It was a beautiful day and you might as well enjoy it you decided. 

You had barely gotten the last few trays out on the table when the jet landed on the field and Steve, followed closely by Nat and Sam stepped outside. 

You quickly ran across the field and threw your arms around Steve’s neck, making him laugh. You were always happy to see them. They had become like family to you, especially Steve, and it was such a relief when they made it back unscattered. 

“It’s good to see you too, Dr. Barnes,” Steve teased, as he gently lifted you off the ground into a bearhug, making you laugh. 

“Paws off my wife, Stevie,” Bucky’s teasing voice sounded behind you and Sam’s quickly followed just off to your side. 

“She might have been feeling neglected. You’re always with those goats,” he teased, and Bucky threw his work glove at him before they both broke down into laughter giving each other a hug. 

“It’s a good thing, they aren’t spending too much time together cause that is just tiring,” Nat complained teasingly, taking over from Steve giving you a hug as Steve hugged Bucky. When everyone had said their hellos you lead them to the table and the feast you had prepared. 

After lunch you stayed around the table, listening to Nat, Sam and Steve tell you stories of their travels and quest for alien weapons that kept showing up on earth. You closed your eyes as you listened, feeling the sun warm your face as you leaned into Bucky’s side and his hand instantly found its way to rest over your stomach. Just like it had every moment you sat together like this or fell asleep in bed together since you had told him of the new little life that was going to join you in seven months time. You couldn’t wait to share your news with the rest of your family, but for now, the secret was going to be yours and Bucky’s alone for a little while longer. Life was good and you had never loved anyone as much as you loved Bucky, nor had you ever felt as loved as he made you feel. You hadn’t had the best father, but your child would have and you had the best husband a woman could ever want. He was your second chance and the love of your life. 


End file.
